Last Cry of a Breaking Heart

I am also a critiquer for the #FantasyAuthorsGuild. I look at syntax, which is probably what you need since English isn't your mother tongue. (Though I do suggest learning the art of punctuation in fiction. There are great books for this.)

*What else could I do if he didn't want me, or at least in the same way as I loved him. [I have to confess I really do not know what this means. I think I do, but it is written so oddly I can't make a concrete sense of it. Maybe it would read better without the comma and "or at least." That breaks it up where it cannot afford to break. <What could I do if he didn't want me or love me as I loved him?> It is a question, even if a figurative one, so it still needs a question mark. Try to cut unnecessary words. This will help how easy the writing is to understand.]

*"Are you on this planet, Rose?" he asked me, what a beautiful voice... and still it filled me with extraordinary pain. [Some things I hate with prejudice. Explaining dialogue is one of them. It's redundant. When a character is asking a question, don't immediately tell the reader they're asking a question. The character already demonstrated that. Instead, have the character do something before speaking in order to make sure who is speaking. Sometimes, when there are only two people in a conversation, you can go up to four paragraphs of dialogue without reminding the reader. With more than two, always make sure the reader knows who said what. <His beautiful voice stabbed my chest like shards of broken glass. "Are you on this planet, Rose?"> Now, that's probably more melodramatic than you wanted, but do not be satisfied with simply telling the reader how painful the character is being hurt. Demonstrate it. Characters do things. Narrators tell things. Always have characters display through their actions what is going on. It is much more interesting.]

*"What do you care? I was only part of your stupid game wasn't I, why did you have to play with me, Leonard?" [The second sentence is a run-on. When in doubt, use a period instead of a comma. Commas are used when there is a pause in speech. Writing is after all words on a page. Words should be written as they are spoken. That is how a writer creates a style, because no one talks exactly the same. <"...I was only part of your stupid game. Why did you play with me, Leonard?"> Even in dialogue, it is important to draw a line between realistic speech and unnecessary phrases. We know they would be there in real life, the little things people say like uh and "you know right" and so forth. We naturally tune those out when we talk. Don't include them in your writing unless it is a defining trait of a character. They add nothing to the story except annoyance.]

*He looked at me, and gave a sigh "I'm here only to protect you and besides..." [Here is an example of completely unnecessary words. Turn "gave a sigh" into "sigh." You lose nothing and the flow of the sentence is better. "So a writer who breeds more words than he needs makes a chore for the reader who reads." - Dr. Seuss. I also suggest you speak your dialogue aloud as you write it. You will create more realistic speech that way and it will give you a hint where to place a period instead of a comma or vice-versa. <He looked at me and sighed. "I'm here to protect you. Besides..."> There is a class of writers who use commas before dialogue instead of periods, such as after "sighed." I prefer periods. They create a clear line between what is action and what is speech.]

*I didn't let him finish, why even let him finish after what he did to me? It would only hurt more "And that night in the valley, with only the stars looking at us, was just a dream of mine, or did I imagined things, Leonard" I could feel the pain in my words… [Another run-on sentence. Questions must be necessity stand apart from everything else. Otherwise they become confusing *very* quickly. Even if it just one word, always put a question in its own special sentence. Use periods before dialogue to tell the reader when action stops and speech begins. If you don't, the reader may assume some odd things. <I bit my lip and balled my hands into tight fists. I could not bear to let him finish. After what he did to me? It would only hurt more. "That night in the valley with only the stars looking at us. Was that a dream or did I just imagine it?"> Notice what I did with the lip and fists. If the character convincingly demonstrates their emotions before talking, the reader will be able to hear the emotion in the dialogue, whatever the emotion is. You won't even have to explain how painful or angry or sad it is. The reader knows because the character, through body language, told them. Body language is a great indication of feeling. Use it to your advantage.]

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(You may want to provide a location or setting. The reader will have trouble visualizing a scene when all they have been provided is two disembodied voices.)

What could I do if he didn't want me or love me as I loved him?

His beautiful voice stabbed my chest like shards of broken glass. "Are you on this planet, Rose?"

"What do you care? I was only part of your stupid game. Why did you play with me, Leonard?"

He looked at me and sighed. "I'm here to protect you. Besides..."

I bit my lip and balled my hands into tight fists. I could not bear to let him finish. After what he did to me? It would only hurt more. "That night in the valley with only the stars looking at us. Was that a dream or did I just imagine it?"
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In conclusion: Always be on the lookout for times when you are having a narrator tell something instead of the character showing it. Have a character do something whenever possible. Make it the rule. Learn stylistic punctuation in English. You'll have more fun with your writing. Use periods at the end of sentences that are not questions. DO NOT explain dialogue.